As you have requested

well this weekend was amazing and wednesday night was awesome... but not as good as tuesday morning. though i can't talk about anything to anyone... unless you are among the chosen few, but i doubt that you are.

i don't really have anything interesting to put in here... cuz i can't talk about what happened, it is in confidence, kinda like that recipe for really good cookies that someone down the street has that you can't show or describe to anyone... it makes sense in my head.

so yeah i like this girl and it's not who you think, it seems that everyone that i meet is freaking awesome... i don't know why but it's awesome.

whenever i brush my teeth my gums bleed, it's really not making me want to brush my teeth anymore.

wow it's been a week since i updated this thing....

when i'm having a good time i don't update this or anything with anything of any substance, well except for my paper journal, cuz i can write whatever i want in there and no one can read it.

"so brown eyes i'll hold you near cuz you're the only song i want to hear" ain't that the truth?

i want a double instead of a triple.

here are some things i've come to find out since i last posted:
i am a good kisser
i have very soft and smooth skin (literally)
i have nice calves
if you need a ride somewhere you can call me and i'll give you one
college would be so much better if there weren't any classes
i like jungle juice
i like rap music
i don't remember exactly how to dance, it's still a little rusty
it seems that i have a fancy for a new girl every week.... though something has come up to make that happen
i need a hair cut
i am very very happy

Sometimes

sometimes i think bad thougts. whenever i'm on a plane i pray for it to bank too hard and crash. every single time, and i'm not even joking about that.

i spent the whole two hour ride home tonight thinking about things that i should forget. thinking about how great things were during the summer and how i wouldn't have given that up for the world.

i've found that when i'm happy and busy and things like that i don't update my blogs at all, or even write in my journal or anything.

being idle makes me go crazy

i like wearing black dress pants, a white dress shirt and a black tie, for some reason it makes me feel cool. i found this sweater in my closet that i bought a while ago, and i like it a whole lot, so i'm gonna wear it when i have the chance.

i might be having myself a girlfriend. she's very hot.
according to Zac: "we losers get the goods some day"
"every dork has his day"
From Me: I like how the highs even out the lows"
McGregor: "Nice guys finish last and last is soon"

"when you play the fool, you're only fooling everyone else" Mraz

going home is a drag.

end of thought.

Ramblings of a lost soul

in case you didn't know; i think quite a lot, i think all the time about things that i think are deep and full of meaning. though they are things that can't be expressed or ever rationalized to another person. these thoughts are my own and to even try to express them to someone else is impossible.

there are so many things that i would like to write down and think about, things that no one could or would ever know. things that are between me and her and God, that'd be it. things that i'm not even entirely sure about what happened, they'd be best guesses, if that.

i know i shouldn't look back at life, though i've found that if i look ahead it gets me into more trouble than when i turn around. "where have the times gone?" my great grandmother asked me, my reply (which i rather like) "turn around, it's right behind you." i think that statement is soo true, because where else would time be? i mean it's not in front of you. that's all i'm gonna say on that topic at the moment, though stuff could come up later in the post.

i've come to realize that things are clearer right now, things are good and i don't like them. i guess i'm one of those people that when something good happens to them they think about how it's going to end. whenever i say something to someone and there's time between their response and my statement i think of the worst thing possible. like if i say how are you or something like that i expect them to say that they're great, especially since i'm not in their life, just things like that. of like if i say 'i love you' then they'll say something like 'that's nice' or 'i know' those two have been told to me numerous times in the last bunch of months and they drove me into the pits. there is nothing worse than going out on a limb and getting hung out to dry. it's terrible.

on to something else.

i have a bunch of songs and i would like to record them... but i don't have my guitar here and i don't have the songs here. looks like i'll have to wait till i go back home before i can record.

something new

so i've been told by many people that i am a good looking guy. i don't believe them, well at least not most of the time.

i think i'm going to start a new hobby; asking girls out that are out of my league. it should be good fun, cuz i'll have nothing to lose and everything to gain. though Melinda should introduce me to those girls that are single and hot... or Mindy should... i guess whoever shows up can introduce me, lol.

i don't meet new people, they meet me. i'm so introverted that it's not even funny. if people didn't talk to me then i'd have no one to talk to me. though from time to time i do talk to people, but that's only once i have gotten to know them and even then they don't talk back as much as i talk to them.

my life is a math equation where you put in way more than you receive and you get me, that's how it's happened. i love more than i am loved. i guess that love is what i'm talking about when i talk about things like this.

i watched Sunset Boulevard last night, it's a great movie. i need someone else to write stories and movies and stuff with, know anyone? wanna join? anything?

The Earth Spins Slowly

I wrote a song a while ago, it kinda sounds like Ocean Breathes Salty by Modest Mouse... otherwise it just sounds foolish.

The earth it spins slowly against my fet
but i don't know, i don't know, i don't think so
it may seem easy to keep things neat
but i don't think, no i don't think, i don't think so

i've got that and you've got this
you tell me what you want and i'm
certain that i'll miss
on the way to you, on the way to you
it's been told that you don't start with a can't miss
you throw away the first, throw away the first

the air is so stale rushing to my skin
well it's fine, oh so fine, i really think so

you've got that and i've got this
but i tell you what, you're a can't miss
stay in the fray for me, the fray for me

things go fast and things go quick
you waste your time then you've missed it
fallen away from me, erasin me

once you burn the bridges you can't go home
you get to roam, roam solo
missing that and missing this,
you tell me how it goes cuz apparently i've missed
you're erasin me, replacin me

Be so secret that your right does not know of the left's actions

so yeah i thought i'd post those pictures... cuz i have so many that i'd like for people to see but they really shouldn't.

so i've written parts to a couple songs that i think i should post somewhere on here. eh, i'll post them somewhere.. not really sure exactly where or if i will but something will happen.

Today was a good day, hung out and talked to Melinda for about an hour or so, that was good. went to the doctor and got some good drugs that should make my knee better, or kill me in the process, either will work at the moment.

if you could get a labotomy or get your hand cut off which would you choose? i'd take the labotomy, cuz without my hands i have nothing, it wouldn't be able to write or eat a hamburger and drink at the same time, i couldn't do sooo many things. a labotomy would mean that i couldn't feel pain anymore and emotions like anger... that's not so bad. what do you think?